A New Challenge

(Concept Poster Art for Yardboy by Tadd Galusha. Tagline: “Saving the universe, one backyard at a time.”

Had a post all set to go about the importance of rewriting, but, hell, if you are unaware of said importance, and call yourself a writer, I would just be wasting my time. Besides, I think I covered it all before, so let’s move onto something a bit more fun.

Recently, director Matt Zettell and I decided to pitch a package of three of my screenplays at the AFM in November. Included in the package that will be presented to potential investors are mock-ups of the movie posters/one-sheets. One person came immediately to mind, the extremely talented artist Tadd Galusha. Tadd is currently working on a top-secret project that I have mentioned in earlier posts and is the perfect person for the job. Tadd and I talked about the stories, I sent him loglines and a synopsis for each screenplay and lo and behold, he came back with some awesome concept sketches. Part of the design plan was to come up with snazzy taglines for each poster. Something that would catch the eye of the investor and, much later one, potentially captivate an audience and make them want to see the film. That was my job and I found it to be a bit more difficult than I had imagined. These taglines need to be as short and that proved to be the most difficult part of the process for me. I finally came up with a dozen or so for each poster and sent out a email to friends and piers and asked them what they thought. Friends were glad to help and I eventually ran the winners past Matt and we decided on the three that we were going to use. In the meantime, Tadd sent his concept art of each of the posters and we are well on our way. I am looking forward to seeing the finished art and have already reserved a place on my wall for each poster.

As for actual writing, I am currently putting the finishing touches on the revised libretto for “Wild Space A Go Go.” The plan is not only to enter the original musical comedy in musical festivals but also to secure an agent who can shop it around to the various venues. I am happy to announce that I have completed a workable draft and will be putting the finishing touches on it before I send it off to the creative partners early next week. Hopefully, the new character arcs and shorter length will work. Right now, it’s a bit too soon to tell. I will have to wait until I get some feedback.

So, keep writing and I will talk to you soon!

Lawyering UP

Words of wisdom: You receive a legal document via Fed-X, UPS, USPS, email, Facebook update or even Twitter, do yourself a favor and have a lawyer check it out. Granted, a twitter message is about 150 characters, but even this briefest collection of words, if it concerns your career, can affect your outlook on life, love and vocation.

“I just don’t have the money,” I just don’t have the time,” blah, blah, blah. Well, if you are anything like me and decide to skip the important step of getting a lawyer’s perusal of said documents first, you soon will be clearing events off your calendar quicker than you will be scrambling to come up with the money for even greater evil – billable hours.

I don’t want to get that far into it, because, frankly, it’s just too damn embarrassing. Let’s just say, you should never crawl into bed with the first girl who asks you to dance. Sure, you may have been standing in a corner, scoping out the action for what seems like an eternity. But, for god’s sake, do yourself a favor and show a little restraint. Remember, a whore will tell you you’re handsome. She will just soon forget it after the deal has been consummated.

Which brings us back to the point of the story. Some producers are like whores and will say anything to get into your creative drawers. After the dirty deed is done, and they have gotten what they came for, they will soon be on their way, looking for their next “john” and rehearsing what positive affirmations they will utter when you happen to call.

What’s the difference between a whore and a producer? The whore only has you for the hour. Depending on the terms of the contract, a producer can have you by the “Johnson” for a year – maybe more.

So, do your research. The old adage is true; if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. If you are told you are creatively handsome, find out who else they think is handsome. When you get in bed with a producer, you also happen to be bedding everyone that producer ever seduced. This just might be a good thing. Find out who these other “handsome” people might be. Check out references. Look online for complaints. If there are any, there’s a good chance you will find them on the Internet.

And now, onto the subject of lawyers. I am extremely lucky. I have plenty friends who give good referral (could I possibly use more sexual references?). I also happen to have an International Intellectual Property Attorney who has been guiding me through the steps of dealing with unscrupulous producers. Lucky me. But you might not be so lucky.

Did you know that some entertainment attorneys can charge as much as $400.00 per billable hour? That’s to review contracts and all correspondence after the fact. That’s most likely two hours total. I will do the math for you. That’s over a million dollars out of pocket! Kidding. You do the math. Now, you have an attorney look over your contract before you sign and you cut it the fee at least in half. More if you can somehow squeeze it into the consultation.

If you are extremely lucky, the lawyer will point you in the right direction without charging you. Direct you on how to word letters and give you sage advice on how to protect your precious property.

Okay, I have come full circle on this post. Title: “Lawyering Up” and I have covered the importance of checking out all contracts before you sign them. I would like to add just one more thing and it refers to an early post on this site. You need to have more than one project you are working on. If this was your only creative child, and the child suddenly died or was sent to a minimum security for a lengthy stay, you’d be devastated. Who can blame you? Your pride and joy in literary purgatory? It’s enough to get one addicted to prescription Ambian. But, if you have read earlier posts, I have reminded you to have other projects in the hopper. Your creative life is not Indian Poker. I will not have you betting your house on one turn of the card. You must have other cards in your hand. You can’t “know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em” if you are playing with one measly card. Get busy, write, write, write! At the very least, you can bind un-sellable material in leather and sell it at your local Farmer’s Market.

And remember, “Angry Birds” the iphone/ipad application that spits in the face of writer’s block!

Back in California

Great trip to Portland and I have now returned to both California and a life of quiet, suburban desperation. Not that I don’t have anything to do. I do. I do! First order of business is the rewrite of “Wild Space A Go Go.” I spent a better part of a day going through video with a copy of the script, cutting dialogue, that did not move the story forward and jokes that simply did not move - period. Ah, my sweet baby is going under the knife yet again. Don’t worry too much, I think the story will survive. It is all a matter of summoning up enough energy to reach into my knapsack, pull out the folder and lay it on the table. I will take a sip of coffee and decide. Nope. Not yet.

The certified letter has been sent to the so-called producer of “The Touristers.” It will be interesting to see what happens when he receives it. If he does not send a gangsta rapper, most likely named Cool Nutz, to bust a cap in my ass, I should be fine. Just so you know, the above scenario was courtesy of my friend Glenn Holmes, who does have a flair for the dramatically humorous. The odds of “so-called” to come up with the money to secure the option of the screenplay for another six months are frankly just too astronomical to even consider. So, I will do what all 21^st heroic figures do, remove “so-called” as a friend on Facebook and block him from the “Fans of The Touristers” site. As far as I know, I have no friend on FB named Cool Nutz.

Speaking of “so-called” Producers, I did hear a story that is worth sharing. All of the names have been changed to protect the innocent and, frankly I can’t remember the name of the producer. But this story is a dilly.

A writer acquaintance had a female writing partner while in LA. They pitched a story to a producer of some renown. An agreement was struck and soon the meetings and story notes flowed. What became obvious to the male writing partner, was the notes seemed to be all sexual and all directed at the female writing partner. Important notes too! Notes that couldn’t help but move the story forward to an exciting climax. Climax? Did I just say that? Must be this story. These producer notes were like, and I am paraphrasing here as I have the memory of a 57 year old, “you know what this story needs, a little girl on girl action.” Or, “the female protagonist really should get it on with an older, married man. I think she would like it.” I guess the meetings came to an abrupt end when the producer suggested an orgy scene. And the moral of this story, boys and girls, this executive was at Disney! Just kidding. He was not at Disney. It was Nickelodeon. No. Not there either. I just couldn’t resist. I wish I could tell you that the writers are still together and that the female writer told the producer to go fuck himself. I am just not entirely sure. After all, this is Hollywood. I will have to ask Cool Nutz if he knows anything about this.