A New Challenge

(Concept Poster Art for Yardboy by Tadd Galusha. Tagline: “Saving the universe, one backyard at a time.”

Had a post all set to go about the importance of rewriting, but, hell, if you are unaware of said importance, and call yourself a writer, I would just be wasting my time. Besides, I think I covered it all before, so let’s move onto something a bit more fun.

Recently, director Matt Zettell and I decided to pitch a package of three of my screenplays at the AFM in November. Included in the package that will be presented to potential investors are mock-ups of the movie posters/one-sheets. One person came immediately to mind, the extremely talented artist Tadd Galusha. Tadd is currently working on a top-secret project that I have mentioned in earlier posts and is the perfect person for the job. Tadd and I talked about the stories, I sent him loglines and a synopsis for each screenplay and lo and behold, he came back with some awesome concept sketches. Part of the design plan was to come up with snazzy taglines for each poster. Something that would catch the eye of the investor and, much later one, potentially captivate an audience and make them want to see the film. That was my job and I found it to be a bit more difficult than I had imagined. These taglines need to be as short and that proved to be the most difficult part of the process for me. I finally came up with a dozen or so for each poster and sent out a email to friends and piers and asked them what they thought. Friends were glad to help and I eventually ran the winners past Matt and we decided on the three that we were going to use. In the meantime, Tadd sent his concept art of each of the posters and we are well on our way. I am looking forward to seeing the finished art and have already reserved a place on my wall for each poster.

As for actual writing, I am currently putting the finishing touches on the revised libretto for “Wild Space A Go Go.” The plan is not only to enter the original musical comedy in musical festivals but also to secure an agent who can shop it around to the various venues. I am happy to announce that I have completed a workable draft and will be putting the finishing touches on it before I send it off to the creative partners early next week. Hopefully, the new character arcs and shorter length will work. Right now, it’s a bit too soon to tell. I will have to wait until I get some feedback.

So, keep writing and I will talk to you soon!

Lawyering UP

Words of wisdom: You receive a legal document via Fed-X, UPS, USPS, email, Facebook update or even Twitter, do yourself a favor and have a lawyer check it out. Granted, a twitter message is about 150 characters, but even this briefest collection of words, if it concerns your career, can affect your outlook on life, love and vocation.

“I just don’t have the money,” I just don’t have the time,” blah, blah, blah. Well, if you are anything like me and decide to skip the important step of getting a lawyer’s perusal of said documents first, you soon will be clearing events off your calendar quicker than you will be scrambling to come up with the money for even greater evil – billable hours.

I don’t want to get that far into it, because, frankly, it’s just too damn embarrassing. Let’s just say, you should never crawl into bed with the first girl who asks you to dance. Sure, you may have been standing in a corner, scoping out the action for what seems like an eternity. But, for god’s sake, do yourself a favor and show a little restraint. Remember, a whore will tell you you’re handsome. She will just soon forget it after the deal has been consummated.

Which brings us back to the point of the story. Some producers are like whores and will say anything to get into your creative drawers. After the dirty deed is done, and they have gotten what they came for, they will soon be on their way, looking for their next “john” and rehearsing what positive affirmations they will utter when you happen to call.

What’s the difference between a whore and a producer? The whore only has you for the hour. Depending on the terms of the contract, a producer can have you by the “Johnson” for a year – maybe more.

So, do your research. The old adage is true; if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. If you are told you are creatively handsome, find out who else they think is handsome. When you get in bed with a producer, you also happen to be bedding everyone that producer ever seduced. This just might be a good thing. Find out who these other “handsome” people might be. Check out references. Look online for complaints. If there are any, there’s a good chance you will find them on the Internet.

And now, onto the subject of lawyers. I am extremely lucky. I have plenty friends who give good referral (could I possibly use more sexual references?). I also happen to have an International Intellectual Property Attorney who has been guiding me through the steps of dealing with unscrupulous producers. Lucky me. But you might not be so lucky.

Did you know that some entertainment attorneys can charge as much as $400.00 per billable hour? That’s to review contracts and all correspondence after the fact. That’s most likely two hours total. I will do the math for you. That’s over a million dollars out of pocket! Kidding. You do the math. Now, you have an attorney look over your contract before you sign and you cut it the fee at least in half. More if you can somehow squeeze it into the consultation.

If you are extremely lucky, the lawyer will point you in the right direction without charging you. Direct you on how to word letters and give you sage advice on how to protect your precious property.

Okay, I have come full circle on this post. Title: “Lawyering Up” and I have covered the importance of checking out all contracts before you sign them. I would like to add just one more thing and it refers to an early post on this site. You need to have more than one project you are working on. If this was your only creative child, and the child suddenly died or was sent to a minimum security for a lengthy stay, you’d be devastated. Who can blame you? Your pride and joy in literary purgatory? It’s enough to get one addicted to prescription Ambian. But, if you have read earlier posts, I have reminded you to have other projects in the hopper. Your creative life is not Indian Poker. I will not have you betting your house on one turn of the card. You must have other cards in your hand. You can’t “know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em” if you are playing with one measly card. Get busy, write, write, write! At the very least, you can bind un-sellable material in leather and sell it at your local Farmer’s Market.

And remember, “Angry Birds” the iphone/ipad application that spits in the face of writer’s block!

Back in California

Great trip to Portland and I have now returned to both California and a life of quiet, suburban desperation. Not that I don’t have anything to do. I do. I do! First order of business is the rewrite of “Wild Space A Go Go.” I spent a better part of a day going through video with a copy of the script, cutting dialogue, that did not move the story forward and jokes that simply did not move - period. Ah, my sweet baby is going under the knife yet again. Don’t worry too much, I think the story will survive. It is all a matter of summoning up enough energy to reach into my knapsack, pull out the folder and lay it on the table. I will take a sip of coffee and decide. Nope. Not yet.

The certified letter has been sent to the so-called producer of “The Touristers.” It will be interesting to see what happens when he receives it. If he does not send a gangsta rapper, most likely named Cool Nutz, to bust a cap in my ass, I should be fine. Just so you know, the above scenario was courtesy of my friend Glenn Holmes, who does have a flair for the dramatically humorous. The odds of “so-called” to come up with the money to secure the option of the screenplay for another six months are frankly just too astronomical to even consider. So, I will do what all 21^st heroic figures do, remove “so-called” as a friend on Facebook and block him from the “Fans of The Touristers” site. As far as I know, I have no friend on FB named Cool Nutz.

Speaking of “so-called” Producers, I did hear a story that is worth sharing. All of the names have been changed to protect the innocent and, frankly I can’t remember the name of the producer. But this story is a dilly.

A writer acquaintance had a female writing partner while in LA. They pitched a story to a producer of some renown. An agreement was struck and soon the meetings and story notes flowed. What became obvious to the male writing partner, was the notes seemed to be all sexual and all directed at the female writing partner. Important notes too! Notes that couldn’t help but move the story forward to an exciting climax. Climax? Did I just say that? Must be this story. These producer notes were like, and I am paraphrasing here as I have the memory of a 57 year old, “you know what this story needs, a little girl on girl action.” Or, “the female protagonist really should get it on with an older, married man. I think she would like it.” I guess the meetings came to an abrupt end when the producer suggested an orgy scene. And the moral of this story, boys and girls, this executive was at Disney! Just kidding. He was not at Disney. It was Nickelodeon. No. Not there either. I just couldn’t resist. I wish I could tell you that the writers are still together and that the female writer told the producer to go fuck himself. I am just not entirely sure. After all, this is Hollywood. I will have to ask Cool Nutz if he knows anything about this.

Night shoot part 2

Another night of location shooting and despite the threat of rain, it all went off without a hitch. Cast and crew were nothing short of brilliant. Even got to pitch in and add a bit of effect.

It could have gone a lot worse. Glenn and I arrived at the appointed hour only to discover that cops and patrol cars had surrounded the area. LOL. Sure, they were only arresting a drunk but the fact that they lingered and that we did not have a permit gave us a bit of pause. As soon as the cops left, the crew and actors arrived and promptly set up the red digital camera. Minutes later, they were setting up the first shot of the night. Is filmmaking always so effortless? I would think not. This extra night of footage was the cast and crews idea. They had been itching to take out the new Red Cam for a spin and it didn’t disappoint. The footage looks fantastic and the camera, even for the uninitiated is something to see. At least fifteen separate shots were taken care of and not even a bit of drizzle interfered. At the first drop, the camera condom was slipped on and without missing a beat and they continued shooting into the night. Luckily, it did not really start raining until the filming of the series of scenes was completed.

In this kind of fast and furious production, everyone pitches in and Glenn and I were no different. Even writers are not spared a chore. Glenn and I volunteered for some extreme van rocking (insert your own gag here), and let’s just say, the van was rockin’, and no one came knockin’.

The more I see of this production. The more I see the enthusiasm of both the cast and crew and the dedication of Brett and Amy, I become more and more excited. I truly believe we have something special here. But this is movie-making and they probably said the exact sames words on the set of “Cabin Boy.”

Oh, one last thing. All night shoots require a hoodie. Don't leave home without it!

The location shoot

It has been a hectic trip up to Portland Oregon this week. There are a lot of things on the plate, so let’s get right to it.

“Unnamed Project” written by yours truly and directed by Brett Vail, is currently filming and should be wrapped up by early fall. Glenn and I visited the location shoot and stopped by to see our star, Don Colliver, get the extreme make-up treatment that is required for the title character. Thanks to some excellent make-up work, Don was transformed into something truly extraordinary. God, I wish I could tell you more!

Then it was off to Last Thursday on Alberta Street. Thousands of people had gathered for the neighborhood arts and music celebration and the plan was to utilize three cameras to track the chase scene through a busy carnival setting. And, it was extremely important to get out before anyone discovered that we didn’t have a permit to film. Ah, guerilla filmmaking! I have to say, it was a blast. Brett directed his star masterfully, following the protagonist as he maneuvered through the throngs. Don was pushing and shoving through the unsuspecting crowd, attempting to get down to the river. Don had a well-trained camera crew running right along side him with another camera that kept scrambling for higher ground for master shots. What really struck me was how uninterested the ambling attendees seemed to be. You’d have to see Don in full make-up and costume to truly appreciate how blasé everyone was. I guess they all chalked it up to “Keep Portland Weird.” Trust me, it was really something to see and all very exciting.

Somehow I was convinced in doing a small cameo and filmed it the same night. Almost managed to kill myself in the process. I am 56 and only have a few good falls left in me. Long story short, I was attempting to descend a flight of stairs to flee from an imminent explosion. No rehearsal required, right? Wrong! Missed a step and came down on my ankle hard. The ankle buckled, I didn’t and somehow managed to say upright. Glenn Holmes, co-story writer and consultant, replied sardonically, “I think it adds to the scenes overall sense of realism.”

Weather was perfect, cast and crew were all in top form and it will be a night that I won’t forget for a long time.

Now, I am off to a meeting for “Wild Space A Go Go.” We’re in the process of assembling video footage and remixing sound for a demo that will be a sales tool for getting the show into other venues. It has been a slow, arduous journey that was not helped by putting the tail before the horse and going about the whole sound editing process ass backwards. At the rate we are going, we should have some sort of product by summer 2012.

There are a total of 39 days, and counting, until “The Touristers” screenplay option expires. Needless to say, I couldn’t be happier. Planning a celebration at midnight on October 7, 2010. Details to be announced. There are rumors, only rumors that the so-called “Producer and co-writer” is attempting to get a big name attached to the script. His only problem, the re-write that he has let loose into the unsuspecting world, kills off that main character at the very end of the story. Just a hint, lead actors, and distribution companies and audiences for that matter, hate to have the protagonist killed at the end of a story. For some reason it has a dampening affect on a little something called box office receipts.

Well, that's my perspective of this last, busy week of August 2010.

Long time, no blog

Been a long time so I thought I would fill you in on what’s going on in the twisted, created life of J.P. Linde.

“Wild Space A Go Go,” the original musical opened at The Embers Nightclub in Portland and ran for a month and a half. Critically, it did well. Three reviews seemed to revel in the fun of it and one, The Willamette Week, just didn’t seem to get it. After saying that they didn’t care for it, they summed up their displeasure by declaring that a scene of anal rape of one of the protagonists highlighted the production. Needless to say, the review seemed to hamper box office receipts. What can you do? It was never my attention to include a scene of “anal rape.” If I had, I would have included it in a project more suitable than a sexual identity musical comedy.I would have saved it for my pitch for the sequel to “Rear Admiral.” All in all, it was a great show that does need work and would be served much better with a bigger performance space. Currently, “Wild Space A Go Go” is being retooled for other stage companies wishing to probe the musical mysteries of anal rape.

“The Touristers” option is running out. Thank God! October 7^th and unless the Producer renews the option, ownership will revert back to me. I can only say, it’s about damn time. I seriously doubt that the Producer will come up with the money to renew. If he does, I will take the money and run…as far away as I can! It has been rewritten, by the Producer (yes, he does take co-writing credit), that seems to remove all the fun and turns the film into a violent, angry biker flick. Ah, well, such is the game of screenwriting. If he does fail to renew the option, the original director and I will pitch it to other producers who wish to produce something closer to my original vision.

Now, to the exciting news. Project X is coming! Under the direction of the multi-talented Brett Vail, the lovely and intelligent Executive Producer, Amy Vail, the first comedy episode began shooting on August 15^th. I cannot express the excitement of working with people that not only get my sense of humor, but my writing style/voice as well. God, how refreshing a process this is! I only wish other writers an experience as good as this. Glenn Holmes and I have managed to write 4 episodes. Two of which will be filmed and pitched to various studios as a comedy pilot. It is a credit to Brett and Amy that their casting choices have been nothing short of brilliant. There was some talk of me playing one of the villains of the piece. It would have been great fun. But, as I explained in an email today, as far as production is concerned, experience should take precedent over whatever enjoyment I may get. Plus, I wrote too many damn lines for the character. Add that to the pressure of having a camera thrust in your face, well, too damn much for this guy.

Well, that’s it for now. Now that things have settled down a bit, I will try to keep you posted on projects on a more frequent basis. Good writing, everyone!

The First Read-thru of Wild Space A Go Go

I must say that I went in to this first rehearsal with a bit of anxiety. Not so much for the cast - as they are all fantastic! I knew going in that they would be both professional, prepared and up to the task. The anxiety was totally all mine. I mean, why not? I was the one who wrote the libretto for Christ’s sake. I am not sure if I am the typical insecure writer or not but I really went in expecting hundreds of winces as actors got to particular jokes/lines or maybe, even worse, a throw-down of their scripts in total disgust and a collective walkout.

Luckily that was not the case! If there were winces, they were well masked by their professional faces. What’s more, their timing was impeccable and the reading astounded, not only myself, but the director and composer as well. Here were actors who instinctively got all character beats in the script and got my timing for the way a broad comedy script like this has to go. I believe that each writer delivers a script but a timing of how that script will play. It’s all part of that inner voice that manifests itself when we are writing. It is just a matter of trusting that voice and believing that it will carry over.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was forced to trim in order to meet time restraints of the venue but also jokes that somehow repeated too many times. What ended up happening, in one case, was putting a joke back in – just based on how the actor delivered the line. With his unique reading, it was not overkill at all but a wonderful set-up for the next gag. Bravo, actor. Well done!

Insecurity comes with the creative territory. But all of the pundits agree in terms of comedy. If it makes you laugh, it will cross over from the page to the performance. I guess the real test comes with the actor that breathes life into the lines and their experience. If they have the chops, the laugh will come.

We are blessed with a immensely talented cast. Whatever happens, I will be grateful to work with all of them. In all future projects, I hope that I work with actors of this caliber.